This blog is dedicated to the science of deduction. If you’re after adjective filled pages of exaggeration, slander and tabloid journalism please follow the link to my friend Dr John Watson. He is very happy to comply in all three categories.
Despite this it seems this blog has attracted quite a lot of attention, quite an audience in fact. Unfortunately one of you is a murderer. Strange, most murderers go out of their way not to attract my attention. The murderer obviously lacks the common sense to see that and as a result I shall pay them the attention they so obviously crave and dedicate a precious moment of my time to apprehending them.
I talk of course of the obituary that was tagged to my last post.
These are the facts of what I have deduced.
Richard Valence was killed by a spider bite. The hospital was unable to identify it and couldn’t administer the right anti-venom. He died. It was assumed to be accidental.
The police showed their particular form of ignorance and didn’t carry out an autopsy.
The spider that killed him was as Funnel Web. Found commonly only in Australia, they’re kept only by collectors and zoos here in the UK. Unlikely then for one to be found lurking in a suburban house. Therefore it must have been placed there deliberately.
The doors were not forced, nor any sign of break in. There is no obvious motive nor suspect; impressive as Valence was a banker. We also found this carefully notated quote:
‘When men are most sure and arrogant, they are commonly the most mistaken, and have then given views to passion, without that proper deliberation and suspense which can alone secure them from the grossest absurdities.’ By David Hume
I persuaded Lestrade to open the case. It would be foolish to speculate beyond what facts I have but I feel that this is just the beginning.
On lighter note, I now have a spider. For the time being it is quite happy in our microwave.
Damn it. I was arachnophobic enough before I read this darn post D: I knew it was a bad idea...
ReplyDeleteAnother reason not to live in Australia.
ReplyDeleteIndulging an irrational fear in arachnids isn't healthy behavior. Or so I shall say to John when he opens the microwave and finds the funnel web.
ReplyDeleteHow strange that a man who went to WAR should be frightened of spiders...Having said that, I guess they're called "irrational" fears for a reason. Goodness knows I have no excuse.
ReplyDeleteI advise you not to google image search 'camel spider' then. Mustn't feed an irrational fear.
ReplyDeleteI fear this will spark another conversation as to why experiments shouldn't be kept in food preparation areas. Such a bore really.
Microwaving leftovers is hardly "food preparation". Anyone who claims they can actually cook with a microwave is cheating. So really, not a big deal. Just don't destroy your oven.
ReplyDeleteWhat I write is not tabloid journalism, Sherlock! Nor is it slander! It's just my personal blog. It's not supposed to be for other people, and it certainly isn't for you!
ReplyDelete...where did you say that spider was? Oh for God's sake Sherlock...I swear sometimes I think you're actually trying to kill me. You can make your own damn tea - I'm going to eat with Mrs Hudson until that thing is gone.
I did not infer that the contents of your blog are for me. If you insist on 'chronicling' my cases then at least stick to the facts. You're destroying perfectly good case studies on deductive reasoning.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is not a 'thing', its a Atrax robustus, and a very nice specimen. You're a grown man you really should get over this childish fear you have of spiders.
John. You poor man....but stop complaining.
ReplyDelete